Mobile Animal Surgical Hospital
by Burnbee
Summary: just something I thought up. Trapper x Hawkeye
1. Meet Hunnicutt

**_takes place in the M*A*S*H* but no longer in 1972, but it takes place in the 2000's. they do walk like humans hwen they are in the hospital but usually walk like animals.  
_**"I can't wait for tonight!"a little brown Chihuahua exclaimed.  
"Radar, be quiet." a St. Bernard mumbled coming up.  
"oh sorry sir." Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly replied.  
"get out of my bed!" another dog shouted.  
"oh sorry Frank. we thought this was the latrine. " a German Shephard laughed.  
"oh, leave'em along Hawkeye." the St. Bernard grumbled.  
"sorry Henry." Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Peirce said.  
"yeah sorry Henry." a golden retriever smiled.  
"what shall we do tomorrow Trap?" Hawkeye ask.  
"hm... I don't know... maybe we should get the Cats all wet." John 'Trapper' McIntyre replied.  
"my brothers can't we all just get along?" a small Border Terrior ask.  
"I don't think so Father. that would make things boring." Trapper replied.  
"well do atleast try." Francis 'Father' Mulcahy said.  
"hey what is this place?" a Doberman ask.  
"hey fella. welcome to MASH 4077. whats your name?" Radar ask.  
"Captain B.J. Hunnicutt." Hunnicutt replied. "who are you?" Hunnicutt ask.  
"Radar introduce us." Hawkeye said.  
"ok. I'm Corporal Radar O'Reilly." Radar said.  
"why do they call you that?" Hunnicutt ask.  
"I can predict thinks." Radar shrugged.  
"cool." Hunnicutt replied.  
"the St. Bernard is Lt. Colonel Henry Blake, the German shephard is Captain Hawkeye Peirce, the Border Terrior is Father Mulcahy, the Golden Retriever is Captain Trapper McIntyre, the Great Dane is Major Frank Burns, the Pomeranian is Major Sidney Freedman, the Poodle is Major Charles Winchester, the Mastiff is Igor Straminsky, the Shiba Inu is Corporal Maxwell Klinger." Radar said. "the Balinese cat is Margaret Houlihan." Radar started to list the cats.  
"of to us, Hotlips Houlihan. isn't that right Frank?" Hawkeye ask.  
"I don't have to take that! Henry!" Frank complained.  
"alright knock it off pups." Henry muttered.  
"don't worry 'bout those nurses. they'll introduce themselves." Trapper said. Radar suddenly stiffened.  
"whats with him?" Hunnicutt ask.  
"chopper!" Radar howled. "but it's only one! the nurse Colonel must be here!" Radar shouted. he started running.  
"welcome to the Mobile Animal Surgical Hospital!" Hawkeye said.  
*Later*  
"uh Sir have you seen my bear?" Radar ask.  
"no have you checked the pups?" Hawkeye ask.  
"there's none here!" Radar exclaimed.  
"have you checked with Henry or Trapper?" Hawkeye ask.  
"aw come on Hawk! everyone says you know where he's at!" Radar complained. he ears layd back and he pouted up at Hawkeye.  
"alright! alright! Klinger has him!" Hawkeye exclaimed looking away.  
"thanks a bunch! Klinger! give me my bear!" Radar shouted running for the dog, who was currently wearing a pink bow and tutu.  
"never! I will get my section 8 discharge!" Klinger exclaimed. he went to run and ran right into Hunnicut.  
"alright fella give the Chihuahua his bear back." Hunnicutt said. Klinger shook his head, shaking the bear.  
"no Klinger you'll tear him! my brother gave him to me!" Radar exclaimed.  
"never! he's my ticket outta here!" Klinger grawled. Henry trotted up.  
"Klinger stealing Radar's bear will not get you out of here. now give his bear back before I get Hawkeye and Trapper." Henry threatened. Klinger huffed and dropped the bear, which Hunnicut picked up since he towered over them and handed it to Radar. Radar sat his bear down.  
"aw gee he's covered in slober." Radar pouted.  
"alright Radar go put him in my office so no dog will take him, and get my bone while your in there." Henry said. Radar nodded and raced off with his bear, that was bigger then him but caused him no delay in speed. he raced back with the Colonel's Bone.  
"sir you really outta wash that. it tasts like liquor and war!" Radar exclaimed putting it down.  
"and now it will taste like dirt." Trapper spoke as he trotted by. Radar seemed to realize something.  
"oh I have to sort the mail! it's mail call at thirteen hundred (1:00 PM) hours!" Radar exclaimed. he ran off and made the announcement over the entercomm. he recieved a loud roar of barks, howls, and cheers.  
"whats so exciting about mail call?" Hunnicutt ask.  
"just wait newbie you'll see." Trapper said. "come on we'll take you to the Swamp to get settled in. I kicked Frank out just for you." Trapper added. he helped Hunnicut carry his things.  
"this place is like a war zone!" Hunnicutt exclaimed.  
"keep it down. some of us are sleeping." Hawkeye mumbled.  
"but that bed says Trapper." Hunnicutt said with a questioning noise. Hawkeye didn't reply, he just got up and left. "was it something I said?" Hunnicutt ask. Trapper shook his head.  
"he lost his entire family, except his dad, when he was a pup. he has nightmares alot and I think the scent of a friend helps, so we often bunk together." Trapper said. Hunnicutt nodded.  
"thats something awful." Hunnicutt said.  
"agreed alright come on lets get you settled in." Trapper replied.  
"hey they serve lunch soon?" Hunnicutt ask.  
"they serve what they call food, but I think it's garbage." Hawkeye said coming back in. "sorry. forgot we kicked Frank out not me." Hawkeye yawned. he stretched and curled up to sleep but was pounced on by Trapper.  
"come on lets show the newbie around." Trapper said. Hunnicutt laughed at the two as they started to bicker, they were more like brothers than friends. by now Trapper had Hawkeye pinned under him and they were staring into each others eyes.  
"hey mai- aw gee i'm sorry!" Radar exclaimed backing out. Hawkeye and Trapper started to laugh.  
"get in here Radar he's just trying to keep me awake." Hawkeye laughed. Radar slowly walked back in.  
"whats up?" Trapper ask.  
"mail call sirs." Radar replied. Radar handed out the mail and went to leave. "oh by the way guys. I don't want to walk in on any more of _THAT_ anymore. you know what I mean." Radar said.  
"oh it was just twice, Radar." Hawkeye smirked.  
"yeah but I'll never look at you two the same way again!" Radar exclaimed quickly running out. Hunnicutt looked confused.  
"what was he talking about?" Hunnicutt ask. Hawkeye couldn't hold back his laugh.  
"you know things that should only be done with the married?" Trapper ask. Hunnicutt thought a moment then it dawned on him. his face lit up bright red.  
"o-oh! bu-but I thought...your already... he's well he's a... he! and your both..." Hunnicutt stuttered. his ears flattened as he tried to get his thoughts together. "w-well that's your business not mine, but I don't want to walk in on you two together." Hunnicutt said. Trapper smiled.  
"we'll make sure to keep to the supply closet." Trapper said.  
"note to self, supply closet is off limits." Hunnicutt replied. "now how about that tour around the place?" Hunnicutt ask.  
"fine." Hawkeye mumbled. he pushed Trapper away and stood. he streched and let out yawn. "come on the last one to the nurse's showers has to kiss Hotlips Houlihan!" Hawkeye laughed. he jumped swiftly over Trapper but Hunnicutt jumped on him.  
"better get to movin' Hawk!" Hunnicutt laughed running out. "hey Father where's the showers?" Hunnicutt ask.  
"it's over there with the green paw prints." Father replied.  
"thanks!" Hunnicutt exclaimed. he raced off.  
"hey cheater!" Hawkeye shouted running after him.  
"no way am I kissing a cat!" Trapper shouted running behind the two. Hunnicutt arrived first and the last two arrived at the same time.  
"haha you both have to kiss a cat!" Hunnicutt laughed.  
*night*  
they'd showd him around the entire compound and they were having a movie in the mess tent.  
"hey get your paws off my tail!" Trapper exclaimed.  
"keep it down will ya!" Frank exclaimed. Hawkeye moved over slightly.  
"stop wiggling Trap, I'm trying to sleep." Hawkeye mumbled. Trapper shook his head with a chuckle.


	2. Help!

"good night all." Trapper laughed. he stood up, causing Hawkeye to fall onto the dirt. "alright come on. you've got a date with the bed." Trapper said. he managed to get Hawkeye up and onto his paws. he tripped and Trapper shook his head. "alright up ya get." Trapper muttered. he managed to get to get Hawkeye up and onto his back where he laid limply over Trappers back. "Hawk move your tail or i'll step on it." Trapper said. he was still a moment but he could finally feel Hawkeye move his tail to rest limply over his own. "where to Miss. Daisy?" Trapper ask.  
"home James home." Hawkeye snored not even caring that he was being called 'Miss'.  
*the Swamp*  
"Hawk I need cooperation. if you don't help i'll end up hurting you." Trapper muttered. Hawkeye didn't reply and Trapper sighed. "your asleep aren't you?" Trapper ask.  
"'scuse me taxi. I think we missed my tent." Hawkeye mumbled.  
"good your awake. get off." Trapper replied. Hawkeye rolled over and off his back, landing with a thump on Trappers bed. "how do you sleep here, aren't you claustrophobic?" Trapper ask. Hawkeye whimpered.  
"if I don't open my eye's then your not suffocating me." Hawkeye mumbled. Trapper curled around him. "nah, too tight." Hawkeye whimpered. Trapper loosened up some but not much.  
"remember if you need me i'm right here." Trapper said. he laid his head on Hawkeye's neck.  
"actually I need to go." Hawkeye said. "I need to check on the patients in Post op." Hawkeye mumbled. he got up and onto his back paws, then slid on his house coat.  
*post op*  
he walked from bed to bed and was checking the last one when he was attacked.  
"hey! let go!" Hawkeye choked. the teeth around his neck got tighter, he could feel the blood running down his fur. he was seeing spots in his vision. "HE-HELP!" Hawkeye shouted. there was a crash and he was dropped on the floor.  
"what do you think your doing?! I'm gonna break your neck!" Trapper shouted. he pounced on the dog.  
"get off me! he nearly killed my friend!" the dog shouted.  
"captain Trapper! I'll handle him you just deal with the Hawk." Hunnicutt said. they switched places.  
"hey get some nurses in here!" Trapper shouted trying to stop the bleeding. several doctors and nurses raced in. they swept Hawkeye away from him and all he could do was watch.  
"alright Captain go shower. Colonel Blake said he'll be ok." Hunnicutt said. he pushed the other dog to the showers. he started the water and even scrubbed him clean and dried him off. "please John don't make me push you back." Hunnicutt said. Trapper sighed and started to trudge toward Post Op. he waited for what felt like ever before Henry came out. Trapper ran up to him.  
"how is he?" Trapper ask. Henry looked tired but he managed a smile.  
"he's lucky. nearly killed him. go on. he's already resting." Henry said. Trapper nodded and smiled.  
"thanks Henry!" Trapper exclaimed running past him. he ran past all the beds untill he reached the one Radar was beside. he skid to a stop, his claws making an ugly scratching sound, but he ignored it.  
"oh sir there you are. I didn't want to leave'im alone but if your here I guess I should go cause he wont be alone now your here so he wont be alone." Radar said. he went to jump down from his stool but Trapper stopped him.  
"he's your friend too and i'm not going to make you leave Radar. stay as long as you want." Trapper smiled. Radar smiled and his tail wagged.  
"aw gee really?" Radar ask and Trapper nodded. "thanks sir!" Radar exclaimed. they waited and waited for Hawkeye to wake up and eventually Radar fell asleep. Trapper was still awake and keeping watch around the room.  
"sir you should get some sleep." a Siamese cat ,named Nurse Baker, said.  
"thanks but no thanks. I'm not moving 'till Hawkeye wakes up." Trapper said. as if hearing his words, Hawkeye let out a groan. Trapper instantly jumped and turned to look at him. "Hawk?" Trapper ask. he let out another groan. "Hawkeye can you hear me." Trapper ask. Hawkeye slowly opened his eyes.  
"Tra-Trap? wha happen?" Hawkeye ask. Trapper whinced when his voice cracked.  
"a rogue patient attacked you." Trapper replied. Hawkeye seemed to think a minute.  
"oh yeah, you threatened to ring his neck." Hawkeye smiled.  
"like a church bell." Trapper smiled.  
"is that Radar?" Hawkeye ask squinting. Trapper nodded.  
"yeah he fell asleep here waiting for you to wake up." Trapper said.  
"take him back to his room so he can sleep comfortably." Hawkeye said. Trapper nodded and picked up Radar in his mouth and carried him away. he layd him down on his bed, fetched his teddy bear, tucked them both in together, then went back to Hawkeye.  
"sorry I took so long. the kid hid his bear." Trapper said. Hawkeye smiled.  
"yeah Klinger stole it earlier." Hawkeye smiled. "please Trap, get up here." Hawkeye mumbled. Trapper smiled tail wagging excitedly, he jumped up and curled up resting his head on Hawkeye's back.  
"sir I'm sorry but you really can't be up there unless your sick." Nurse Baker said Hawkeye never even bothered to lift his head.  
"awe nurse don't make him go or I'll start hell, cause a riot, go AWAL or worse I'll stay." Hawkeye whined. Trapper lifted his head to look at her and dropped his ears.  
"please? we haven't been able to do this in a while and he gets real bad nightmares sometimes." Trapper said. he gave her the puppy eye's and she merely huffed but then she remembered the time Trapper had to be in here over night and Hawkeye wasn't allowed on the bed. he'd woke the whole camp up with his screaming and Trapper and grawled at anybody that tried to get close except, of course, Radar who is like a brother to Hawkeye.  
"well... alright, I'm sure Henry will understand, but remember I'm not doing this for either of you, I'm doing it for the sake of sanity." Nurse Baker said promptly. Trapper nodded.  
"you understand Hawk, you can't pull any pranks or tricks on any of the nurses for two weeks." Trapper said. Hawkeye looked dissapointed.  
"not even Frank?" Hawkeye ask. Nurse Baker laughed.  
"no no you can prank him." Nurse Baker said and walked away.  
"alright no pranks or tricks on any of the nurses other than Frank." Trapper smiled.  
"I heard that!" Frank huffed. "and just know I'll be watching you two! always watching." Frank warned walking closer. Trapper glared and grawled his warning and Frank backed up. "whats that Margaret?" Frank said walking away.  
"Trapper if you keep scaring anyone who gets in a ten foot distance, i'll never have any friends." Hawkeye smiled. Trapper chuckled.  
"not anyone, just a few, mainly Frank." Trapper replied. Hawkeye smiled.  
"I have taught you well young grass hopper." Hawkeye yawned. "g'night Trap." Hawkeye mumbled.  
"good night Hawkeye." Trapper replied. he rested his head again and both were out in minutes.  
*next morning*  
"good morning boys. how do you feel Hawkeye?" Henry ask. Hawkeye blinked tiredly at him and grunted, turning to look at Trapper. Henry made a noise of confusion.  
"he's not talking to anybody today. his throat's hurting him." Trapper explained. Henry nodded.  
"hey look at it this way, your hurt so you don't have to do meatball surgery for a few days." Henry said. Hawkeye didn't even bother to wag his tail.  
"excuse me, I don't mean to be rude, but how'd I wind up back in my bed? I know I fell asleep waiting for Hawkeye to wake up." Radar ask coming up to join them. his tray was brought by Hunnicutt since he was to short to reach. "thanks." Radar said.  
"no problem." Hunnicutt replied sitting down.  
"oh, Hawkeye thought you might sleep better if you were in your bed so I brought you back to your bed." Trapper shrugged.  
"oh why thank you sirs." Radar replied before digging in.


End file.
